On my old blog I found the following post, dated January 1, 2010:
My propensity to start a new year yesterday tended to minus infinity. I did not want to get out of bed in the late afternoon, make me a shower, wear new clothes, put your heels, makeup, fix hair, leave the ice, go to the home of Stephen, drink and smile, wish you happy new year to all . But I did.
And me also fared well.
Then ... I do not know ... It ' A moment, a flash.
There was Stephen, in a corner kissing Monica, Federico and Nicola and laughing together at the table ... and Pain ... even now thinking about it.
I could not breathe, I can not breathe. I ran outside, trying not to get noticed, but it was full of people everywhere and I needed to be alone. So I entered a room and I was there in the dark, trying to get me the air to the lungs, while the images of the last New Year came to my mind, while my head was filled with thoughts that last year were so sweet and now I only did harm.
I could not breathe, I can not breathe. I ran outside, trying not to get noticed, but it was full of people everywhere and I needed to be alone. So I entered a room and I was there in the dark, trying to get me the air to the lungs, while the images of the last New Year came to my mind, while my head was filled with thoughts that last year were so sweet and now I only did harm.
I have no idea how long I was there, sitting on the bed, his head between his knees. At one point joined Stephen ... do not think I ever liked him so well as now. There was something reassuring about his presence family, now that it all seems too unstable and too far from me.
After a while, 'I've calmed down, I printed a fake smile in my face and I returned from the others.
drank. All that I happened to shoot. I needed to forget.
The problem is that there are successful and I forgot a bit 'too: a certo punto non ho visto più nulla. Pare sia svenuta e abbia battuto la testa. Boh. Non mi ricordo nulla.
Poi mi ha scritto L… Faceva l’afterhour a casa sua e mi chiedeva di raggiungerlo. Felicissima di accontentarlo.
Il resto della serata è stato… Un nuovo inizio.
No, non è vero, non sono le stesse: sono profondamente cambiate. Sono cambiata anch'io, è cambiato anche Lui. Mi sembra incredible to be able to overcome that time, I understood that I needed to at least be peaceful if not happy. With that first kiss changed everything.
The most beautiful Christmas present I ever received.